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Written by Administrator
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Thursday, 11 March 2010 18:42 |
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Although it is thought of as old school, it is often advisable to approach her father for permission before you pop the question to your girlfriend.
When we say ask permission we mean that you should take your time and not simply a quick "Oh.. and Can I marry your daughter" at half-time.
The traditional reasons for asking permission first are now gone, but by asking permission first you are gaining a respect from her father and her family in general. Think it out and prepare for this properly. Even if you know her father extremely well, it might surprise you how nervous you will get!
To overcome any anxiety you may have, there are four tips that we would like to offer you when popping the question to her father. Make sure the situation is right, make sure your girlfriend feels the same way. Is she ready and does she want to get married to you? Asking permission and then having your offer turned down is just plain awkward for everyone. Also if your girlfriend is simply not ready for marriage, her father might let her know, and she could end hte relationship before you even get onto your knees!
If she is on the same page, feel free to talk with her about approaching her father. Maybe she can even offer tips on making smooth conversation, or depending on her relationship with her father, she may not even want you to approach him in this way. Perhaps she has a stepfather or mother she would rather you ask permission from instead. Be ready to arrange a time to meet with her father alone. Maybe you can see yourself taking him to a bar and talking, or in the house.. whatever you do choose a place that is suitable for him. There are no rules to this.. you could even go on a game of golf!
Always have answers ready to the questions he might put forward to you. Get to know him well, and what he likes. If he likes cigars then why not bring some!. Basically you might need to soften him up a little before you ask the question.
Before meeting your potential father in law, rehearse what you have planned. Flattery always gets you far in life. Make a point of complimenting his daughter... after all she was raised by him, so in a way you are complimenting her father too. Steer clear of mentioning his daughters physical appearance or attributes, and stay with the personality and how smart she is.. or mention how kind and loving she is etc.
How will you support her and where will you live? Will you be converting her from one religion to another? All these are answers that you may need to have prepared for when he asks.
If you feel there might be a negative response to your asking her father, you might want to forget the approach alltogether. Asking for his blessings are no longer required any more
When you approach her father stand tall, and try not to mumble. Be straight and try to not let your nerves get the better of you. Just be yourself. Wear clothes that he would feel comfortable with you wearing (steer clear from ripped and torn jeans!).
Depending on the situation, the discussion may be very short, or extremely lengthy, as he may wish to ask questions on a wide-range of issues which need to be addressed by you as best as possible to put his mind at ease.
Finally.. the most IMPORTANT thing to mention is do not argue or fight with him, as there is still a good chance you are talking to your future father in law.
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